Well Meaning Words

I have four beautiful children and crazy comments were nothing new to me at all. I would always get the shocking look and comments such as, Are they all yours? I in turn would reply, well I was at their birth and they all came out of me. Then there are the comments you get when people ask, is this your first? Curiosity is a funny thing. Well, after my miscarriage I mean right after, I still looked pregnant. I was hoping no one would notice and I would avoid any curious comments.
One morning at a hotel, eating breakfast, the breakfast attendant commented on how I have two girls and two boys and that was perfect and I don't need anymore children. I literally just lost my baby and really? I would give anything to have an odd number of children rather than even.
The most shocking comment and I honestly got to a point where i was not shocked but, anything someone said. I have heard so, many things that could be deemed as crazy, offensive so, I really thought I heard it all. This mom of one who had in fact experienced a miscarriage, which is why it was so shocking to me; stated that after she was sorry I lost my baby, four children were enough and the financial burden, the exhaustion of the planet and its resources, and something about walking over dead babies in China in the street. What? Seriously? Seriously?
it had to be the most shocking, craziest thing anyone ever said to me in my life. This tops all the comments about having what people perceive as a large family. Even the comment someone made to my husband in front of me about if the baby in my belly was his? 

When someone miscarries it is not helpful to make comments about the baby being in a better place
This mother only wants her baby to be with her
It would have been a financial burden anyways
No matter how much it cost a mother would go without vacations, make ends meet to have her baby
What about you can still have other children
Maybe some woman can or cannot but, they every child is precious and they still want the one they lost
You have enough kids just love the ones you have
yes I do and that is why I also love the one I lost, all children are special and a blessing
I understand your pain
Really? Please don't say this especially if you have never miscarried

Most people do not know what to say to a grieving mother. That is okay. The best thing to say is, How are you? You can be available to listen and not comment. You can also offer to cook a meal. Ask her what time is good for her and just bring one over. You can offer to do the laundry or come over and play with the kids because she probably doesn't want her other children gone for to long. Do not try and understand because unless you have experienced it in exactly the manner in which she did, it will not help the situation. Do not disappear either because you are uncomfortable. Just be there for our friend or sister. Be an available ear when she is ready or a helping hand in the meantime.

Three Months since my Miscarriage

It's been three months since I lost ZachariYah. I am still devastated. I cry not as much as I first do but, it doesn't take much these days. There was a time right after he passed that I honestly thought this was so heartbreaking that I would never feel happiness again. It was grief, just pure grief but, I am still very heartbtroken.
Four of my girlfriends are expecting. They all had miscarriages at one point or another. They all seem to be thriving and having healthy pregnancies. I am really holding on to them having healthy babies and I pray for them. I think I would feel enoromous devastation if it went otherwise but, everything indicates healthy beautiful bundles of joy.
I am still fragile. In two months, will be my babies due date. It's heavy on my heart. I try not to think about it but, it will be very difficult.
 As far as pregnancy, I am conflicted. I honestly do not think I can go through it again. On top of the miscarriage, I was very sick with hyperemisis gravidurium. This is common in all my pregnancies but, my kids are older and it was really hard on my family. I have sky rocket dental bills from vomitting so much. I have no desire to be that ill for 3-4 months. It lasted unusally long this time, up until the baby passed. I am not sure why. I was really sick the entire four months of pregnancy.
I also am recovering from the blood transfusions. It is a long slow road. My womb is checked out and 100% but, my rebuilding my red blood cells is going to be a couple months. My stamina is nill. I get tired very easily.  I have a friend who is an herbalist and health advocate and is putting me on a hard-core blood building program so, I will write about that in a couple months with the results.
I honestly don't know if I want anymore children. I am conflicted spiritually with this feeling. I already have four beautiful children. I am not fearful of miscarrying or of hemoharraging again and any ounce of fear would be resolved by another healthy birth. I just get exhausted thinking about the hyperemisis and then just being uncomfortable and exhausted. I am so thankful I had four babies in my twenties. Honestly, now in my thirties I do not know how woman in their forties and fifties have babies but, then I think of Sarai in scripture and I know anything is possible with YHWH.
I would love to hear women's stories of miscarriage recovery, hemoharrage and having babies in your forties and fifties. Maybe I will write a book. Please email me.
For now, I wait for my body to fully recovery. I wait for my mind and spirit to heal. My husband and I are embarking on a whole body cleanse. I also have to get a yoga practice under my belt and really get more active. I also am planning this year to finally get my doula certification and childbirth educator so , I can be legit and support other woman. Look out for your traveling Hebrew Doula. I have a lot on my plate and still desire to study midwifery while homeschooling so, I am not ruling out another baby but, I cannot imagine having one now. I also do not desire a baby in my forties either so, I have a several years left to see what happens.
We always thought we would have like twelve babies. I do not think I have it in me to have eight more this late in the game. I would probably really go for it if the hyperemeisis didn't knock me down for so long, so violently.
I have to surrender because I have feelings of failing becuase I miscarried, like I wasn't strong enough or something, and I have feelings of failure if I do not increase my family size. Whenever I do not know what to do, I just do nothing. For now, my body needs rest.

I would like to be pregnant again but I believe a pregnancy should happen at a time of strength, not sadness.

Communicating with my Baby's Spirit

 I went to therapy today. Going in I felt as if I didn't want to talk. This is a far cry from my personailty. I like to talk a lot. Most of the time I am an open book. Lately, I have found I really have nothing to say. I went in letting my therapist know i'm just over it. I don't feel the desire to discuss. I feel almost shut down. What she got was the feelings are still very much there and real but, I am shutting down the words, not the feelings.
She decided it best to take me on a meditative journey. We started with breathing and then moved into body awareness. I really thought okay, she is gonna take me on some breathing exercises and I'll center then, I'll be ready to talk. Well, we went on a whole different journey. We did body awareness and more breathing ,my body began to feel lighter and lighter. From that awareness I began to have a memory of childhood, nothing major or violent just a strange thing to remember when I was 5 years old in the middle of this meditation. F I started a journey of discovering and naming different I guess, issues, blocks, energies in my body. Woa, I thought, I feel like I am floating. I think this happens though when your eyes are closed and your breathing deep for a while.
The journey finally led to a block I had in the center of my belly. It felt like a cement block and I named it. I had another area of my body that I named and the two areas were communicating. The block in my belly felt heavy and the dialogue with the other softer area of my body went like this:

I am to heavy.

But, I can pull you.

I am to heavy for you.

I can pull you, we have to try.

No, you cannot pull me. I am to heavy for you.

We should try.

I am to heavy. I have to leave now


I have to leave now. You have to let me go.

I realized, as I am just drowning in tears during this session, that I was communicating with the spirit of my baby.
Now, I have been reading information on intuitive therapy. It is therapy to help visualize blocks and help heal from pregnancy loss, stuff like that. I also have discovered something called, pre-birth communication. The idea is you can if you are really tuned into a meditative spiritual state, communicate with a spirit that wants to become your baby and is hanging around or one that you have lost that will either move on or wait to come again. This has all been very heavy with me.
I mean I do not believe in communicating with the dead. I do not follow a lot of this new age energy stuff. I do not want to mix up anything with my biblical beliefs. I have been taking everything with a grain of salt. I am practicing praying more and trying not to become lost in the depression from the miscarriage.
However, I truly felt as if I did communicate with my baby. His body was a boy but, the spirit was just a spirit, no gender. I was holding on. I needed to let go. I needed to let my baby's spirit move on. I connected with my baby's spirit from the beginning of the pregnancy and he became part of me, part of my being. I truly felt him as being apart of me.

Before, I was with child I did desire a baby. I took very good care of myself. We were traveling yes, displaced, but I still felt as if we could add an addition to our family. After the first month, the hyperemesis gravardium set in full blast. Our life changed so much more than we anticipated and it was very hard on the kids and my husband. I was on bed rest and was having different medical issues. I couldn't eat or drink much of anything, even water. I was severely dehydrated, not getting nutrients, just a hot mess. I was older and now in my thirties, so my body was tolerating this less. I just got more and more depressed and the sickness was not lifting. It went into my second trimester. I was really sad a lot. There were many different reasons. I tried not to think on it. I tried to talk to the baby at first and connect. Then , I was so consumed with sickness I just stopped talking to my son. I stopped connecting. I was so sick and just felt so awful, I had nothing. There were so many variables, so many. I did feel the baby was a blessing and yes, I had my doubts but, I did with all in the beginning of my pregnancies. What was different now? It would get better.

I knew when I began labor that it was indeed labor. The contractions were so intense because I wanted to let go but, I didn't, I couldn't. I had inner turmoil.
It was only when I prayed and truly surrendered that the baby finally aborted itself. I believe the spirit left the body. I read a baby can abort itself to spare the mother. I was devastated. I tried to hold on for so long and we had a bond. I believe that is why it was such a late miscarriage,Zach and I had a bond and I didn't want to let go.

I am still devastated and heartbroken. I am tired swimming in a pool of guilt and grief. I wasn't enough, I didn't do enough, I wasn't strong enough. No one can fix this for me. No one can change this for me. This is my journey.

We all have our journies. If by the mercy of the Most High we live long, we will endure many trials and tribulations. It's okay. We are being refined as gold. We are precious to our Abba(father). Although, when we are going through it, it's like fire.

The session was healing today. I didn't know I was holding onto that block. I didn't know I was holding on to my baby. I didn't know I could communicate with my baby's spirit. I know it all sounds wacky but, we truly are spiritual beings. We are just very disconnected from it all.

This is what I think caused the hemorrhage

I had a miscarriage last month, the bleeding ending very shortly after I seemed to have finished passing all tissues and clots.  
Two and a half weeks later I again started bleeding.  This bleeding was that of a light period.  I tried to call my ob at the 8th day of bleeding and could not get past the receptionist who said to call back after 12 days of bleeding :O
Anyway, that bleeding stopped, but this time for only three days, where I began bleeding again!  This time I am now on my 7th day of bleeding.  The first four days consisted of bleeding normally like that of the first day of my period, pretty heavy with a tampon change every three hours.  The 5th day was really heavy in the morning and I had to change my tampon twice after only 45 minutes.  Then it went back to every three hours.  
The next day I again had an episode of heavy bleeding lasting 4 hours this time.  I still cannot contact my doctor, and am getting worried.  
In previous miscarriages I resumed my normal period 4 weeks later each time, so this is new to me, and scary.
Thank you for any information or advice that you can give! 

Dear Chastity,

Hmmm... well, while I get over the initial urge to tell you to call back and tell that receptionist that you'll share your personal medical information only with your doctor or his nurse or you'll be switching doctors offices, I'll formulate my answer. Ugghhh! Nothing is more frustrating to me!

OK...Most often after a miscarriage or D&C your bleeding will taper off to spotting within 7-10 days, and maybe random spotting will continue for another week. Your hCG will drop steadily, usually hitting zero during the end of the spotting, or about 10 days after the miscarriage or D&C. Less often, your bleeding tapers off quickly, but with some spotting. You think it is over. Perhaps a week or even two will pass, and you begin to wait for your period. Then suddenly, it begins again. Strong cramping, heavy bleeding, and pain. You hope it is just your period, but it is not. (You must not bleed at all for about 20 days for it to be a real period, otherwise you have not gone through the hormone chain properly.) Usually within a few days, it does stop, and you are just spotting again. Here is what usually has happened - some tissue remained after your D&C or natural miscarriage. A bit of placenta clung to the wall of the uterus. It continued to draw a little blood, and the body continued to create very small amounts of pregnancy hormone. Eventually the body realized no baby was there and turned loose this last bit of tissue. The miscarriage process begins again. Only now will your levels drop to zero and a new cycle begin. You cannot expect a normal period any sooner than 4 weeks from this, and up to 7 weeks could still be normal. Your total wait time from original miscarriage to first period can creep up to 9-10 weeks and still be normal.

Sometimes, if you do continue spotting afterwards, a medication may be ordered by your doctor to help the body in cramping to push out any remaining tissue. However, the thing that concerns me with you is the fairly consistent heavy bleeding, especially the bleeding requiring a change of pad/tampon every hour or more. This is not generally considered normal. It leads me to suspect one of two things:
1. Leftover tissue remains in the uterus that refuses to budge. You may need a D&C or medication to kill the tissue and make it come away. If left untreated, you could hemorrhage, eventually becoming anemic at the very least. Scar tissue can also form should the remaining tissue become infected.
2. The possibility of a molar or partial molar pregnancy. It is very important to follow up on this and get a concrete diagnosis. Molar pregnancy can persist for months, and you absolutely should not attempt another pregnancy until you have been without any hCG in your system for several months.

If you did not have a D&C with this miscarriage, that may be indicated, as often is the case with natural miscarriages when the uterus does not completely empty itself of all contents. I encourage you to be seen by a doctor. It is discouraging that you have not been able to speak with your own doctor, or even his nurse, for this entire time - or that your hCG levels haven't been monitored to ensure they have returned to non-pregnant levels (if that is the case).

I hope this information has helped you and answered your question. I wish you well!
About Brenda
I have been an R.N. since 1988 and come from a family of nurses. I have clinical experience in labor and delivery, as well as post-partum care and pre-term pregnancy complications. I have also worked in Community Health Clinics dealing with this area of expertise, including WIC (Women, Infant, & Children) clinics performing nursing evaluations and assessments in determining a need for services or intervention for pregnant women, newborns, and young children. I have worked in immunization clinics in and around my community as well. I also have several years experience in OB and Pediatric Home Care Nursing. In addition to that, I am a mother of two, ages 21 and 16, both of which I had hoped would be vaginal deliveries, but ended up being C-Sections... one of which had me in pre-term labor...another which was frank breech (bottom first)... one who rejected the breast... and so on... to list my personal experience would be a bit lengthy! I'd simply like to help anyone who might have a question or concern that I can draw on my expertise to answer!


Treatment of Incomplete Miscarriage For women who have retained tissue for more than two weeks after a miscarriage diagnosis, the usual treatment would be D & C. Some doctors may also offer medication such as misoprostol (Cytotec) to boost the odds that the body will pass the remaining tissue without surgery.


My Thoughts

Many times a doctor can take the wait and see approach. If you do have a miscarriage in your second trimester, I would urge you to be in the hospital. The later the miscarriage the heavier you bleed. I was unaware of this. I wanted to have my baby at home as I did with all my other babies which were healthy sucessful homebirths. My children are now 6-10 years old. I have been studying birth and been a birth advocate and junkie for over 10 years. I am not an expert so, always seek the opinion of a professional.

What I understand is, postpartum bleeding not getting lighter is a serious complication and is very real. If you are having heavy bleeding steady or on and off then this is abnormal following miscarriage. It is important to take it serious because we do not want it to lead to maternal death or a hysterectomy. Taking medications or having a D & C is small on the scale compared to losing your uterus or death. This is coming form a natural birth junkie. It is very important to have a wonderful OB and practice that will attend to any concerns you have and emergencies. It is important to establish a long on going successful relationship were you feel happy even if, you are homebirthing. You need a back up because gynecological issues are real and their will be a time when you will need care as a woman. The more pregnancies you have, it is a gift to have adequate care and check ups. The second necessary thing is to make sure you are not anemic. This can be very beneficial even life saving if you should unfortunately have, any heavy bleeding issues. See my posts on anemia.

If you determine you have any heavy continous abnormal bleeding and you also have a feeling something is not right or your not quite on the correct path of healing as you should, then you are most likely right. I had a feeling that I wasn't done with my bleeding. Do your research. I didn't do enough. You may have to make your practioner listen to you so, try and establish a good relationship. If you want to avoid a D & C, you can take some uterus contracting drugs, that can be your immediate first step. I noticed not only the bleeding, but my belly was still big. I looked 8 months pregnant. You may also have cramps and right away get blood taken to check your HCG levels. They should be going down. If you have retained tissue which can be missed on ultrasound, which also get follow up ultrasounds, your body will still be supplying blood as if you are pregnant. Sometimes, the medicine does not work and you can still have retained tissue. You can have all these procedures and results within a week. If you still have big belly, bleeding that is heavy, tissue from ultrasound or debris, HCG levels are not going down, your uterus after an exam is still relaxed and fluffy then, I strongly advise speaking to your practioner about risks, complications, treatment options. You have to be assertive. Often times, they are not proactive enough or overly proactive. I don't know why. I should have been aware by three weeks postpartum miscarriage my uterus was still not contracted and this is why I was still bleeding.

D & C when you read about them, seem scarry. It is a common procedure. If you can use drugs before deciding on a D & C, and it works, great. What happens with a miscarriage as oppossed to a full term birth is the placenta tears away from the uterine wall uncleanly. There will be most likely retained tissue. Sometimes a piece so small it can go undetected by an ultrasound scan. Listen to your body and pay attention to the signs. There will always be side effects to drugs and surgical procedures. They can be brief. What you want to avoid is hemorrhaging, death, hysterectomy.

I also don't mean to be ridicously alarming. Just listen to your body. If something isn't feeling right listen to your intuition.

Apocrypha: Sirach Chapter 10

10:  The physician cutteth off a long disease;  

38: Honour a physician with the honour due unto him for the uses which ye may have of him: for  YHWH hath created him.

2 For of the most High cometh healing, and he shall receive honour of the king.

3 The skill of the physician shall lift up his head: and in the sight of great men he shall be in admiration.

4 YHWH hath created medicines out of the earth; and he that is wise will not abhor them.

5 Was not the water made sweet with wood, that the virtue thereof might be known?

6 And he hath given men skill, that he might be honoured in his marvellous works.

7 With such doth he heal [men,] and taketh away their pains.

8 Of such doth the apothecary make a confection; and of his works there is no end; and from him is peace over all the earth,

9 My son, in thy sickness be not negligent: but pray unto the YHWH, and he will make thee whole.

Emergency D & C

 D & C is dilation and curettage of the cervix and uterus.  Four weeks into my recovery from a natural miscarriage, I had unusual abnormal on and off heavy bleeding and clotting. I went to the ER once and continued with follow up appointments to my new OB. First of all, let me paint the picture that if i can treat my condition with herbs or natural remedies, I go that route every single time. I had no desire for a D & C at the time and I had been told it was not neccessary. From the repeated ultrasounds, the doctors told me my uterus appeared clear of any debris or tissue from the miscarriage.  I was grateful.
The D & C sounded like a major procedure that involved anesthestia and had risks including scarring of the uterus, that seemed to convince me I didn't want to take this route. Most people don't like hopsitals or are even afraid. I understood my fear to be of the unknown. I still would rather not be in a hopital, as would many people.

I was continuing with follow-up appointments and continued to drink my herbal tea. My recovery tonic included herbs that would help expel any extra stuff from my uterus. What i had hoped was, that although my recovery would have taken longer naturally, that my body would clean itself out.

I went to my OB for a followup Ultrasound which included the vaginal US week four postpartum from my loss. The vaginal US  must have triggered all the stuff the technician was seeing, to expel itself.  As , I was leaving  and felt a gush and went into the bathroom. It was like the nile river honey. The blood was just pouring out and would not stop. The doctor and the NP were not in the office that day. The poor technician, she called the doctor immediately and he wanted me to go to the hospital.

Well, never before had I fainted. All of a sudden I felt strange and my body felt tingly, I just blacked out on the floor with my big bloody booty hanging out.  When I woke up, I felt cold cloths on my face and people talking to me. EMT had arrived. They asked me how I felt and I said,"alright". I felt not the best but, I wasn't scared anymore.
When I blacked out I was dreaming and I felt warm and safe, my husband was there. I was calling his name and it was really bright everywhere, so I didn't exactly see his face but, it seemed like I saw his outline and felt his presence. I wanted to be there because it felt safe and happy. My husband travels alot on the road. I am always missing him.  We just came off the road to come home to recover from the miscarriage. Anyways, we are seperated alot. It felt as if we were together.

In the ambulance, I was given IV fluids. Child, I have had so many Ultrasounds and IVs in the last couple months, I was a pin cushion. The EMT gave me an IV standing up while the ambulance was moving. That was funny and he said," I'm not even a surfer". I was rushed to Labor and Delivery, where my doctor, my sister, and my midwife met me. I was safe. I felt safe but, I was cold. I was shivering. I was in hypervelimic shock but, I was unaware. My blood pressure was critically low.

After the story I will write about what my medical condition was and what I know.
I was cold and I had like 10 blankets on me. I had so many people in my room talking to me and asking questions. I must must have been confused because we were laughing and felt like I was hanging out. I now look back and say, what was I talking about?, I don't even know what I must have said.

I was severely anemic and needed blood. They ordered me blood stat. The whole time I just said okay, let's do it. I was so compliant. I had eaten previously, so they couldn't put me under, instead I got a spinal. Wow, if you knew me it's like, me get a spinal...what? My sister said, she is not going to agree to that. I just said, let's do it. Apparently, they gave me some drugs and one was a relaxtion one, I felt great, very relaxed. Let  me tell you how I do not even like antibiotics. Ibruprofen is usually as  a far as I go. I took what I needed and most of all I let the hospital personal do their job. I surrendered. The spinal isn't bad actually. It does feel like a bee sting. It is not any worse then an IV. It feels like when they take blood from your hand, it stings a bit but, honey not unbearable. Basically for this D & C, I had a wonderful team with me. I was so grateful. The Nurse Anethesiologist was amazing, comforting, and stood by me in the operating room. After the spinal, I felt my legs get warm and tingly and heavy, it was crazy being that not in control of your body. My heart ached for those that are paralyzed. It was a life changing experience, eventhough, temporary. I also was in the process of receiving 2 pints of blood.  

I am still in shock I had to have a blood transfusion. I also had to have fluids, over 6 bags.  The only part that really sucked was  the way my legs felt. It took awhile for the feeling to come back. Maybe like 60-90 minutes, no bad but, not fun. My butt was numb. So, right after the procedure, the heavy bleeding subsided. It was amazing to not have heavy abnormal bleeding. I have had it for over 4 months with this pregnancy and miscarriage.

I never felt scared. Why? I felt like I almost had angels with me. I felt safe. I felt like I had people around me that were helping me. I felt the presence of my god YHWH always. How? I prayed before. Anyone can easily pray. Often times, in all honestly I pray and then wait to see what appens. My prayers are not always answered. But, in this situation I saw and felt my living breathing presence of faith all around me. It was my god (YHWH). It was a wild experience. I am 2 days later still in shock and discuss it often with my sister who was there. I cannot believe that happened. She is a nurse and stood by me the whole time and helped me during recovery. I do not necessarily believe in blood transfusions but, I believe if the most high wasn't okay with it, I would not have lost so much blood. The people that donated that blood helped save my life.

Medical Side (in order)

 A retained placenta tissue
 is a potential life threatening situation. After the placenta is delivered, the uterus contracting causes the blood vessels within it to constrict. If the placenta is retained, the uterus is unable to perform this function. If the blood vessels are not closed off, they continue to bleed. This could cause the women to lose a large amount of blood and possibly require blood transfusions.
2. Postpartum hemorrhaging is a more severe type of post-pregnancy bleeding. If you lose more than 500 mL of blood after a vaginal birth, or more than 1000 mL after a cesarean section birth, you are classified as having postpartum hemorrhaging. Postpartum hemorrhaging can be a very dangerous condition, and is associated with various complications including heavy blood loss and even maternal death. Postpartum hemorrhaging occurs in between 1% and 10% of all pregnancies in the United States. It usually begins in the 24 hours immediately following childbirth (early postpartum hemorrhage), however, it can occur anytime during the six weeks following delivery (delayed postpartum hemorrhage).
Heavy bleeding which happens from 24 hours up until six weeks after the birth is known as secondary primary postpartum hemorrhage (PPH) and happens in about 1% of deliveries. It really is likely to be in your best interests to have the D&C done and be rid of this problem. Having a history of the hemorrhage with the previous D&C does not necessarily mean you will have the same thing occur again
. I would suspect your uterus is quite inflamed right now, thus the enlargement) and is in a "slow bleed" state anyway. I would not count on the bleeding being gone for good. It may have slowed a bit, but retained pieces of placenta tend to continue to cause problems until removed.
3. Low Blood Pressure , or hypotension, occurs when blood pressure during and after each heartbeat is much lower than usual. This means the heart, brain, and other parts of the body do not get enough blood. My BP was 70s/30s, normal range is @ 120/80. Normal for me 110/70.
4. Hypovolemic Shock Losing about 1/5 or more of the normal amount of blood in your body causes hypovolemic shock.
  • Anxiety or agitation
  • Cool, clammy skin
  • Confusion
  • Decreased or no urine output
  • General weakness
  • Pale skin color (pallor)
  • Rapid breathing
  • Sweating, moist skin
  • Unconsciousness
The greater and more rapid the blood loss, the more severe the symptoms of shock.
5. Blood Transfusions can be life-saving in some situations, such as massive blood loss due to trauma, or can be used to replace blood lost during surgery.
6. A D&C, or dilation and curettage, is a surgical operation in which a doctor dilates your cervix and empties your uterus by gently scraping the uterine lining.
7. Spinal Anesthesia is placed in the low back (lumbar region). After a sterile prep and draping, local anesthetic is placed in the skin to numb the area where the Spinal needle will be placed. The Spinal needle passes between the vertebrae of the Spinal column through the dural membrane where the cerebroSpinal fluid is located. Once the placement of the needle is accomplished medicines including a local anesthetic and sometimes a narcotic are dispensed via the needle. The needle is then removed. The entire process usually takes anywhere from 5- 20 minutes.
8. H & H, Hematocrit and Hemoglobin
The hematocrit measures the volume of red blood cells compared to the total blood volume (red blood cells and plasma). The normal hematocrit for women it is 36 to 48%. Hemoglobin (Hb) is the protein contained in red blood cells that is responsible for delivery of oxygen to the tissues. To ensure adequate tissue oxygenation, a sufficient hemoglobin level must be maintained. The amount of hemoglobin in whole blood is expressed in grams per deciliter (g/dl). The normal Hb level for females is 12 to 16 g/dl. My levels were 22/7 critically low, normal is 36/12 and one hour after my blood transfusion my levels were 29/9.

What i know:
D & C is a life saving procedure
You bleed heavier in second trimester miscarriges, D & C is a very good option
In miscarriages,placenta doesn't break away cleanly
Natural Miscarriage will most likely still leave retained tissue in uterus
The doctors and nurses are there to help you and keep you alive
Everything happens for a purpose and this is my journey
I wasn't ready to get the D & C and this was my path i had to walk
many woman have miscarriages stories
my life has a purpose
I saw the light but, it was not my time
Love and forgive do not live with bitterness and resentment
life is short, forgive and accept people for their flaws
people have the right to life their life the way they choose
you have the right to choose love and purpose
i had an amazing team of professionals and caregivers and felt very safe
my Elohim(god) was with me and faith is a powerful thing
There were angles watching and guiding over me
I hope my story helps other woman
I am deeply spiritually connected to my husband
If you are given a second chance, make it the best

What caused my miscarriage?

I have been back and forth. I have thought about lack of nutrition from the hyperemisis. I also thought about the stress of being displaced and not having my midwives around and not knowing where I was going to birth. We had been across the country traveling for several months.  The night before I went into labor, I saw my baby alive and kicking. My peanut was alive and I really believed he would make it. I always had excellent pregnancies and births. There was no reason this would be different despite the challenges. I am grateful I did not have a dead baby inside me. The Father gives you know burden you cannot bear. That was one, my baby had been alive and I saw him.  I even felt a kick before I went into labor and lost the baby. Ultimately, I believe it was placental abruption. This is not a picture of my baby but, he was about that size and that formed. His name was ZachariYAH meaning I will remember YHWH(god). He would have looked exactly like my husband, his lips, mouth ,fingers, toes, legs, arms, he seemed to have my husbands' characteristics.

If at any point during a pregnancy the placenta becomes detached from the uterus, the fetus than becomes deprived of oxygen and nutrients. This can also cause a great deal of bleeding to the woman. A large clot is only the sudden passage of a clump of partially clotted blood that's been collecting for some time. What you're seeing may be a whole night's collection, with sudden vertical position upon rising allowing gravity to cause it to fall out. But recurrent clots aren't normal.

What is placental abruption?

Placental Abruption is defined as any separation of the placenta from the uterus after 20 weeks gestation. Not only is the fetus at great risk, so is the
mother. A placenta’s detaching from the uterus prior to around 20 weeks is generally considered a miscarriage.

From one of my favorite sites:

The baby was alive until I went into labor. I experienced very intense contractions for a few hours and blood as well as clots just pouring out of me. I was already a bit anemic from bleeding on and off. I had the baby naturally. The baby came out completely encased inside the placenta. Upon close examination of the placenta, you could see where the placenta had been uncleanly torn from the uterus wall and this is where the huge clots had been coming from. The placenta had been detaching itself little by little for quite sometime. I had done my best to keep up with nutrients. I had done my best to stay in bed on bed rest. This was hard for my family but, I did it.  I tried my best to pray and talk to the baby. A dear friend said the more attached the bond is between mom and baby, the more prolonged the miscarriage will be. These are very wise words from her midwife. I have to come to terms with the fact that their must have been placental abnormalities. The baby could not survive without a placenta. I did everything I could. It was not meant to be.

After my miscarriage, I needed plenty of rest physically and emotionally. It was hard for me to sleep because my mind was racing and i was extremely emotional.  I  was physically exhausted so, I needed to keep my iron levels up due to blood loss and also clean out my uterus. I had a natural miscarriage, no D & C. If i had a D & C, the doctor would have scraped my uterus clean, minimal bleeding and recovery.  I had the baby naturally, and although with second trimester loss you can bleed heavily and be at greater risk for hemmohrage; thankfully I was ok. I did have very large clots, because the placenta does not break away as cleanly as if you had a full term baby. I also vomitted right after delivering due to hormones crashing. Recovery is much more intense and not talked about as frequently. I bled large clots and my bleeding was heavier than a period but, flow was regular. I had to use two overnight pads at a time. I drank tea, and slept alot. I was exhausted and very sad. I cried so much the first couple days. It was like an uncontrollable river of tears. After several weeks, I still have bouts of crying. I went through anger and depression, which in all honesty, I am still battling. According to scripture, Leviticus 12:4, recovery period for a male child is 33 days. I am trying to give myself a break and not do a whole lot. I am also looking into counseling and a support group. It is important to surround yourself and talk with woman who have experienced this. Interestingly enough, their seems to be no shortage of woman with miscarriage stories.

Miscarriage Recovery Tonic

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Skullcap ( insomina, fatigue, stress, depression, headaces,induces sleep)
Valerian (cramps, stress, coughs, insomnia, anxiety, headaches, fatigue,induces sleep)
Cramp Bark (muscle relaxant)
Angelica Root (cleans uterus out)
Nettles (iron)

Bulk organic herbs, spices and essential oils. Sin
 So heartbroken.

Everything fell.
It all crumbled before my eyes.
I couldn't stop it. I just screamed no and cried.

Am I held?
I prayed for the father to just hold me.

I didn't ask why.
I didnt blame.
I wasn't angry.
I was hurt.

my heart was broken in a thousand pieces in front of me,
I just prayed to be held.
this is how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
and you survive.

everything fell,
I lost my heart ,
I lost something so miraculous and precious.
I cant stop crying.
will my heart ever be whole.

I don't want another baby,
I just want my ZachariYAH.
I just want to see him grow up.
I'll never hear him say mama.

this is what it feels like to suffer.
this is what a broken heart feels like.

will he ever know how much I loved him?
how precious he was?
how hard I tried to hold on to him?

to little,
I had to let him go.
ripped from my body.
a part of me is missing.
my body is so empty.

this is what its like when the sacred is torn from you,
and you survive.
the only promise is tomorrow.

the pain is unbearable

Song of Tears


Emptiness fills me, like the barren woman
and now I understand

this belly no longer houses a tiny soul
these breasts no longer make milk
their purpose gone.

my body is no longer tired
no longer full
my energy returns
the healing is quick
and now I understand.

I am on the other side
I will forever suffer sober humility

I am slow to anger with my children
as I walk thru the crowd I wonder,
what other soul has suffered such a loss?
does anyone else walk around empty
hoping to never forget,
reliving the memories over and over again. 
where is my baby?
Where did he go?
Why can't I hold him?
Why can't my breasts nurse him?
Why couldn't I ever kiss him?
Why is he lost to me?
I don't want to leave him;
why can't my heart let go?

his tiny hands limp, lifeless,
his spirit returns home.

my pillow is drenched with tears,
all I hear are screams
my heart is broken.

I am on the other side;
I can never return.

I didn't want to be here,
But, I was chosen to be.

I am empty.
I am broken.
where is happiness?
the rivers are full with my tears.

I am empty like the barren woman,
and now I understand.
I am on the other side,
and now I understand.


There are many explanations for why women do not give birth on their due dates.  One reason is that the soul which enters the baby has made plans before coming into this life.  They have decided why they are coming, what their purpose is, what kind of obstacles they will face, what kind of personality traits they will have which will contribute to learning their lessons and perfecting their soul, and how long they need to be here to accomplish this.  The Bible says "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:16).  So before that baby ever comes in, it has decided how long it is staying.  This relieves the guilt that might occur when a baby dies. 
Also, though it is sad to think about, sometimes souls come in just to experience pregnancy and the birth process, and that's all they have planned for.  They don't have any intention of continuing on, and so often their passing is attributed to birth complications, when it was simply that they had fulfilled their lifeplan for this incarnation, and it was time to go.  Expectant parents need to prepare themselves ahead of time for the possibility that this can occur.  Respect the soul that is coming in and don't be too upset if something happens.  Also realize that, in the scheme of things, you also planned this in your own chart before you came here.  You planned to experience the loss of a baby (although they are not really lost) and so this is something you must fulfill.  It is a healthy part of your growth process, and should not necessarily be looked upon as a negative event.  It is possible to be sad that you will not get to spend a lifetime with that baby, while at the same time be in awe of the soul that came and that they are continuing on their journey, as well as being proud that you were chosen by them as the perfect parents to experience this with. 

I read this from a website that was discussing over due dates. Since my miscarriage, I continue to keep an eye open for wisdom regarding the loss. Eventhough, at times I accept it was meant to be, sometimes I wonder why or could I have done more.

Road to Recovery

It has been 8 weeks since my miscarriage and my son passed. It has been about 5 weeks since my emergency D & C. Following my D & C, I bled for about 2.5 weeks and it went from a regular period to ligter and lighter. It stopped for maybe 2-3 days and then, spotting began. During that 2-3 day break I had alot of cervical mucous. It followed with cramps and discomfort all in my back and very emotional, crying jags and just feeling really sad and depressed. I also had one day where I was very intence emotionally like I wanted to kick everyone's booty.
As my hormones , began to stabalize and regulate, I had about a week plus of the spotting. I saw my midwife for a full postpartum exam and she concluded I ovulated and was spotting. She saw blood behind the os and thought the spotting was me beginning to menstrate. She was absolutely correct. My period began full on like a regular period for like two days and then full on heavy period. I didn;t experience much in the way of clots but, heavy and crampy inddeed. This is not usual for my cycles. One thing remained true was regardless of the D & C, I start my cycle 6 weeks to the day following the birth of every child, including this loss. My cycle came right on time. I am on day 5 an dit is finally tapering down to look like the end of a cycle.
I am so grateful I am back on track. It means I ovulated and my body did what it was suppossed to. My hormones are regulating and I am back on track with my regular cycles. I am fertile and it shows great signs of my body being healthy and very able to get pregnant again.
I also got the green light from my midwife that everything looks great and there isn't any reason I should miscarry or have any complications in the future should we be blessed with more children. I am so excited and thankful because I am rebuilding the trust I once had in my body functioning properly and doing what it was made to do.
This is still a long road spiritually and emotionally. It was longer with the physical portion and now I am that much closer in my healing process. What a journey.

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